You’ve Got Mail
About twenty years, one day and six hours after Lizzie ran away into the night, Ed received an email from Elizabeth Levin. He noticed as he read her email that he started to feel sweat on the back of his neck.
LizLevin@hotmail.com:
Hi. It is Lizzie, Liz Levin. I am hoping that you remember me and don’t delete this email before you read it. My intentions are good. I heard that your father hasn’t been well. He was always sweet to me, made me feel like part of the Forrester family. Maybe there is something I can do to help. I work as a healer, a therapist. I am good at helping folks through dark times in their lives. Liz sent this email off at 2am. She had been afraid to send it.
EDF@aol.com replies.
It has been a long time. I am glad to hear you are doing well. I am sure you are good at what you do, as a healer and all. I am not sure what you can do to help. I for one have moved on. I am involved with a lovely woman. Coming to Michigan would just complicate things. My father is letting go and having you here would just add to my pain. Please don’t come back to Michigan.
LizLevin@hotmail.com
Ed, I hear you. I don’t want to cause more problems for you. I know I hurt you. I am sorry. I just want to help your Dad. I think I can help him find inner resources to find his way back to life. I studied with a Shaman in the mountains of Peru who taught me the healing arts. It has been helpful with some patients who are near the end. At least it could make your dad feel more comfortable.
EDF@aol.com replies:
Katie, my girlfriend will be visiting me in Michigan, if you decide to come back here you have to know that. Don’t expect anything from me. My Dad may be gone by the time you get to Michigan. You may be wasting your time. Again don’t expect anything from me. I have moved on. I almost did forget about you. But how could I forget someone who seriously broke my heart.
LizLevin@hotmail.com:
I know I broke your heart. I should have stayed with you that night long ago. I got scared. It wasn’t my choice to move away. But it was my choice to run from you, to lose touch with you. I wish I had kept in touch. I haven’t forgotten you. I understand you have moved on and I respect that. I won’t expect anything from you. But I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t looking forward to seeing you again.
EDF@aol.com replies:
Come to Michigan, if you want to. But don’t fall in love with me. Maybe just maybe you can help my Dad. I am looking for anything that could make him well.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
What is Home?
Home
What makes a home? Is it the brick, cement, metal and wood that create a home? It is what the heart knows, connections between loved ones, the feeling of being held with love and safety. It is the feeling of being seen as good enough and encouraged to go for what you want, even if it involves leaving home to make your dreams come true. As you make your journey into to this unknown adventure, you find that your home is still with you in your heart. It says to you, “We are with you, you are safe and you can do this.” Your sense of home is reflected in the way you say “hello”, help out a friend, and stand up for yourself. Home is also a place you may return to again and again. You are welcomed with open arms.
What makes a home? Is it the brick, cement, metal and wood that create a home? It is what the heart knows, connections between loved ones, the feeling of being held with love and safety. It is the feeling of being seen as good enough and encouraged to go for what you want, even if it involves leaving home to make your dreams come true. As you make your journey into to this unknown adventure, you find that your home is still with you in your heart. It says to you, “We are with you, you are safe and you can do this.” Your sense of home is reflected in the way you say “hello”, help out a friend, and stand up for yourself. Home is also a place you may return to again and again. You are welcomed with open arms.
Friday, June 8, 2007
Twenty Years Ago The Lovers Say Goodbye
Lizzie’s mind came back to the present and to the fact that she was sitting in a tree, escaping from the reality of having to move. The sun was setting, Liz felt the air getting colder and she wrapped herself in a brown wool sweater. It was Eddie’s sweater and it smelled of him.
She heard whistling below the branches. It was Eddie’s familiar impression of a woodpecker call. She saw his familiar dark brown curls and a flash of his bright green eyes. He knew where to find her. Liz was glad that Eddie found her. But she didn’t want to talk to him, she was afraid she would cry. “I know you are up there, Lizzie and I know why. Come on down.”, Eddie called to her.
“No way Eddie, I am not coming down. If I have to move away, no way.” So Eddie started to climb. Eddie had always been an active kid, a bit of a runt. But this summer he had a growth spurt. Liz noticed the muscles in his legs and arms as he climbed up to where she sat clutching herself. Eddie sat down quietly next to his miserable friend.
They sat together for a good ten minutes without saying anything. Eddie put his hand on Liz’s shoulder. She felt herself tingling. Her eyes started to well up. It is okay Liz I am going to miss you too. Liz turned to looking at Eddie. He wiped the tears from her cheeks. Liz saw that Eddie was crying too. She had not seen Eddie cry except for the time he lost his dog Ralph or Grandma Helen.
“Why are you crying, I am the one that is moving away?” “I know that’s why I am crying Lizzie. You are my best friend.” He reached out to hold her hand. She gave Eddie her hand to hold and with it some more of her heart. She felt tightness in her chest. She knew it that moment she was deeply in love with Eddie. Oh, no, she thought to herself. I want him to kiss me. In the next second, Liz kisses Eddie, gently on the lips. Eddie returned the kiss and kisses her again and again. She felt herself go weak at the knees.
“Do you like me a little bit”, Liz asked with a smile taking a breather. Eddie leaned over and whispered in her ear, “Yes I like you more than a little bit.” I want to stay home here on this branch kissing you until we die okay?” “Wow, you do? Oh, shut up and kiss me you fool”, Lizzie giggles. Eddie said, “I love you”, again and again and again with every kiss.
The sun was beginning to set. “Lizzie, I want to keep kissing you forever, but it might be safer down on the grass when the sun goes down. “You are right, Eddie.” Liz wiped away a tear and smiled at her closest friend. “Ed, you go down first and catch me.” Liz you know I am always here to catch you.”
As they found safe footing on the earth below, Eddie pulled his dearest friend into his arms under the birch tree. “You know something else we haven’t done Lizzie?” “There are many things we haven’t done? We may never get to do.” Liz is on the verge of weeping again. Eddie whispered in her ear. “Just be here with me Liz. Don’t think about tomorrow or an hour from now. We are under these amazing stars and our favorite birch tree is begging us to dance.”
Her heart was beating so fast she was convinced Eddie could hear her heart breaking. “Take my hand. I don’t want to go”, Lizzie sang. Don’t go stay with me right now. Liz rested her head on Eddie’s chest. “Eddie I feel warm inside. “It isn’t just making out. We have kissed a thousand times before, not like this. Lizzie. It is like I want to take care of you. Protect you and hold you until we both are old and kick the bucket.”
“Liz, let’s just feel this love. Let’s stop talking for a few minutes. But Liz is fearful of the unknown, fears the warmth between her legs and fears never seeing Eddie again. “Lizzie I don’t want you to run away into night away from me as he reached out to her crying. “ Let’s at least have this moment. Let yourself feel happy for a moment.
You will move to tomorrow but we still have this dance,” Eddie softly spoke in her ear. “Sweetie. Don’t run away from what you want, joy, from us.” “I am sorry Eddie I just can’t do this. It is too hard I have to leave you and I have to leave you right now or I wouldn’t be able to leave you at all. Eddie catches her hand. “Honey, let go.” Lizzie yanked her hand away and sprinted out into the darkness. Eddie cried out after Lizzie, “Come back!”, Eddie shouted several times before he collapses on the dark earth. He found their birch tree and leaned his back against it for support. His best friend was gone, Eddie felt lost and that nothing will be the same again.
Ruth and Ted discovered their son in the morning curled up under the white birch. They wondered what had happened. They saw their son’s tear stained face. “Eddie, do you want me to carry you home like a sack of potatoes,” his father asked after Eddie tripped over his feet as he tried to stand up. “Dad, that isn’t necessary. I can walk. I will be okay. “We know that son,” Ruth offered, taking her son’s hand in hers. “You are not alone and Lizzie will be a phone call away.”
“Thanks for saying that Dad. I don’t know. I don’t know anything. She ran away from me Dad, she felt hurt and ran away from me.” Ted and Ruth encircled Eddie in their arms and Eddie cried like a baby.
She heard whistling below the branches. It was Eddie’s familiar impression of a woodpecker call. She saw his familiar dark brown curls and a flash of his bright green eyes. He knew where to find her. Liz was glad that Eddie found her. But she didn’t want to talk to him, she was afraid she would cry. “I know you are up there, Lizzie and I know why. Come on down.”, Eddie called to her.
“No way Eddie, I am not coming down. If I have to move away, no way.” So Eddie started to climb. Eddie had always been an active kid, a bit of a runt. But this summer he had a growth spurt. Liz noticed the muscles in his legs and arms as he climbed up to where she sat clutching herself. Eddie sat down quietly next to his miserable friend.
They sat together for a good ten minutes without saying anything. Eddie put his hand on Liz’s shoulder. She felt herself tingling. Her eyes started to well up. It is okay Liz I am going to miss you too. Liz turned to looking at Eddie. He wiped the tears from her cheeks. Liz saw that Eddie was crying too. She had not seen Eddie cry except for the time he lost his dog Ralph or Grandma Helen.
“Why are you crying, I am the one that is moving away?” “I know that’s why I am crying Lizzie. You are my best friend.” He reached out to hold her hand. She gave Eddie her hand to hold and with it some more of her heart. She felt tightness in her chest. She knew it that moment she was deeply in love with Eddie. Oh, no, she thought to herself. I want him to kiss me. In the next second, Liz kisses Eddie, gently on the lips. Eddie returned the kiss and kisses her again and again. She felt herself go weak at the knees.
“Do you like me a little bit”, Liz asked with a smile taking a breather. Eddie leaned over and whispered in her ear, “Yes I like you more than a little bit.” I want to stay home here on this branch kissing you until we die okay?” “Wow, you do? Oh, shut up and kiss me you fool”, Lizzie giggles. Eddie said, “I love you”, again and again and again with every kiss.
The sun was beginning to set. “Lizzie, I want to keep kissing you forever, but it might be safer down on the grass when the sun goes down. “You are right, Eddie.” Liz wiped away a tear and smiled at her closest friend. “Ed, you go down first and catch me.” Liz you know I am always here to catch you.”
As they found safe footing on the earth below, Eddie pulled his dearest friend into his arms under the birch tree. “You know something else we haven’t done Lizzie?” “There are many things we haven’t done? We may never get to do.” Liz is on the verge of weeping again. Eddie whispered in her ear. “Just be here with me Liz. Don’t think about tomorrow or an hour from now. We are under these amazing stars and our favorite birch tree is begging us to dance.”
Her heart was beating so fast she was convinced Eddie could hear her heart breaking. “Take my hand. I don’t want to go”, Lizzie sang. Don’t go stay with me right now. Liz rested her head on Eddie’s chest. “Eddie I feel warm inside. “It isn’t just making out. We have kissed a thousand times before, not like this. Lizzie. It is like I want to take care of you. Protect you and hold you until we both are old and kick the bucket.”
“Liz, let’s just feel this love. Let’s stop talking for a few minutes. But Liz is fearful of the unknown, fears the warmth between her legs and fears never seeing Eddie again. “Lizzie I don’t want you to run away into night away from me as he reached out to her crying. “ Let’s at least have this moment. Let yourself feel happy for a moment.
You will move to tomorrow but we still have this dance,” Eddie softly spoke in her ear. “Sweetie. Don’t run away from what you want, joy, from us.” “I am sorry Eddie I just can’t do this. It is too hard I have to leave you and I have to leave you right now or I wouldn’t be able to leave you at all. Eddie catches her hand. “Honey, let go.” Lizzie yanked her hand away and sprinted out into the darkness. Eddie cried out after Lizzie, “Come back!”, Eddie shouted several times before he collapses on the dark earth. He found their birch tree and leaned his back against it for support. His best friend was gone, Eddie felt lost and that nothing will be the same again.
Ruth and Ted discovered their son in the morning curled up under the white birch. They wondered what had happened. They saw their son’s tear stained face. “Eddie, do you want me to carry you home like a sack of potatoes,” his father asked after Eddie tripped over his feet as he tried to stand up. “Dad, that isn’t necessary. I can walk. I will be okay. “We know that son,” Ruth offered, taking her son’s hand in hers. “You are not alone and Lizzie will be a phone call away.”
“Thanks for saying that Dad. I don’t know. I don’t know anything. She ran away from me Dad, she felt hurt and ran away from me.” Ted and Ruth encircled Eddie in their arms and Eddie cried like a baby.
An Ending and a Beginning
Elizabeth wanted to run and hide in the deep forest. She took off for a mile into the deep dark wonderful forest. She felt the crunch of the leaves under feet. Sweat was dripping down her forehead by the time she reached the white birch tree and started to climb. She decided she wasn’t going to come down until her parents changed their minds about moving away. She new she wasn’t acting like a sixteen year old she could hear her father saying in her own head but she didn’t care. She wasn’t going to leave her home and her wonderful fun with Eddie.
On the old birch, she found a sturdy branch to sit upon. She had granola bars and water in her backpack. She sat up in the tree for two hours crying and wishing she didn’t have to move. Lizzie thought to herself about the first she laid eyes on Eddie.
Eddie was six. He grinned from ear to ear and his right cheek was smeared with black mud. He looked like a wild creature to me. I was a little frightened. I stood behind my mother. I was five. Mrs. Forrester said this is “Eddie, my little rascal. He has been playing outside, by the looks of him playing with Herman, his frog.” Ruth giggled and winked at her son. She suggested that I go play. Mom had to push me out the door.
I remember mom saying “howler if you need me.” I did howler, after Eddie put Herman down my shirt. Herman was slimmie and smelled like poopy-pants. Herman didn’t seem to be happy in my shirt, because he slithered out two seconds later. Eddie grabbed Herman and ran. I chased this frog bandit. He was fast for a short kid. I had longer legs. I caught up to him by the stream. He was leaning over the edge with something in his hand. I stopped out of breath.
“Come here, I want to show you something, Eddie said. I sat down next this wild creature, Eddie. I tried to see what he was looking at. I couldn’t see unless I leaned over the edge, right next to Eddie. I lay down on my stomach. Eddie had his left hand on Herman and in his right was “Tina” a turtle. “These two are good friend,” Eddie said. From then on, Eddie and I became inseparable friends.
On the old birch, she found a sturdy branch to sit upon. She had granola bars and water in her backpack. She sat up in the tree for two hours crying and wishing she didn’t have to move. Lizzie thought to herself about the first she laid eyes on Eddie.
Eddie was six. He grinned from ear to ear and his right cheek was smeared with black mud. He looked like a wild creature to me. I was a little frightened. I stood behind my mother. I was five. Mrs. Forrester said this is “Eddie, my little rascal. He has been playing outside, by the looks of him playing with Herman, his frog.” Ruth giggled and winked at her son. She suggested that I go play. Mom had to push me out the door.
I remember mom saying “howler if you need me.” I did howler, after Eddie put Herman down my shirt. Herman was slimmie and smelled like poopy-pants. Herman didn’t seem to be happy in my shirt, because he slithered out two seconds later. Eddie grabbed Herman and ran. I chased this frog bandit. He was fast for a short kid. I had longer legs. I caught up to him by the stream. He was leaning over the edge with something in his hand. I stopped out of breath.
“Come here, I want to show you something, Eddie said. I sat down next this wild creature, Eddie. I tried to see what he was looking at. I couldn’t see unless I leaned over the edge, right next to Eddie. I lay down on my stomach. Eddie had his left hand on Herman and in his right was “Tina” a turtle. “These two are good friend,” Eddie said. From then on, Eddie and I became inseparable friends.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
The BEA
What is the BEA you might be asking? The BEA is the Book Expo of America... It was tremendous!!! It was in NYC with tens of thousands of people attending. The spectacle was stimulating, intimidating and intoxication all rolled into one, plus it was a good learning experience for me. I made some good contacts. I learned that even when I get a publisher for a book..it is going to be also up to create a big buzz about it. Marketing....Publicity....showing alot of pazazz.... Like the example of Grammar Girl..She is a grammar whiz who wanted to write a book about its or it's. To create buzz she developed a weekly podcast called grammar girl. She has five million subscribers. Wow!!! I want to do that...I thought of getting Ask Eve?? on youtube and on a postcast. Sounds like it would be fun to do. Anyway my wheels are turning. It is good to be back in Chicago.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Water Falls
Water Falls
The whisper of your voice soaks me like rain
Covers me like honey
Enfolds me like a warm blanket.
I hear you in the wind and I am drenched in wonder
Filled with peace
Wanting the fire sky in my eyes
As I sit near you on the rocks smiling
You are naked in the waves smiling back at me.
“The water is warm dive in”, you say
I dip my toes and you splash me with your goodness
I dive in and you catch me around my waist and hold me tight.
I feel safe. I feel wet. I feel free.
Your laughter bathes me in sunlight
Under the waterfall we are dancing
We are making up songs to the sound of our own heart beats
I am splashing you and you are dunking me under the roaring water
I hold your body for comfort, for peace, for joy, for love.
I surrender to the water fall I feel inside…I am falling ….safely…
The whisper of your voice soaks me like rain
Covers me like honey
Enfolds me like a warm blanket.
I hear you in the wind and I am drenched in wonder
Filled with peace
Wanting the fire sky in my eyes
As I sit near you on the rocks smiling
You are naked in the waves smiling back at me.
“The water is warm dive in”, you say
I dip my toes and you splash me with your goodness
I dive in and you catch me around my waist and hold me tight.
I feel safe. I feel wet. I feel free.
Your laughter bathes me in sunlight
Under the waterfall we are dancing
We are making up songs to the sound of our own heart beats
I am splashing you and you are dunking me under the roaring water
I hold your body for comfort, for peace, for joy, for love.
I surrender to the water fall I feel inside…I am falling ….safely…
Writer's Angst
Writer Asks for Help!
Okay, Liz and Ed, what do you want? Please tell me want you want with each other. Ed speaks first.
“I don’t know what I want Eve. I am not sure of anything anymore. I would like to spend some time with Liz to get to know her again. But I don’t know beyond that. But if Katie shows up I don’t know what I’ll do.” Then Liz speaks.
“I want to have a chance to hang out with Ed. To go for a walk in the forest…to kiss would be nice. I don’t really know what I want either”.
Okay both of you sit down in a room together alone and let me ease drop.
“Okay I can do that,” says Ed.
“Me too”
“Hi Ed,” says Liz.
“Hi Liz,” Ed smiles back.
“How have you been Liz?”
“I have been okay,” Liz says trying to smile.
“Me too,” Ed says managing a grin.
You can sit down Liz. I am not going to bite you Liz, unless you ask me to. Liz has been standing in the corner of the room near the door.
“Please sit down Liz and talk with me.”
“Okay Ed. You go by Ed now right?” Liz moves closer.
“Yes my name is Ed, my friends and you can call me Ed.( a Blazing Saddler’s Reference).
Liz laughs and sits down across from Ed. Ed starts the conversation.
“I like it that you are here. Seeing you again makes me see things more clearly and at the same time more confused. I feel like I know you. But I really don’t know anything about you. Don’t get me wrong, I want to get to know you. In reality, I want to know you intimately. I hope that doesn’t scare you Liz, considering we haven’t seen each other in twenty years. I feel like a freak for obsession about you for twenty years. I wrote poetry to you.
“Okay, well Ed I must be a freakish girl along with you. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for twenty years either. I know there have been other men.”
“In your case Liz, there have been many other men.” Liz buries her face in her hands and then gathers courage and looks up at Ed.
“Yes I admit I like sex. I always have. There is nothing wrong with that. Maybe I have jumped around from bed to bed looking for a guy who would fill me with the kind of loving feelings that you brought out in me. No guy no human guy could measure up to you in my mind.”
Liz feels good about getting that off her chest. She begins to breathe easier. Now it is Ed’s turn again.
“You know Liz I have a woman who adores me. Katie would do anything for me and is planning to visit me here in Michigan. I called your name out during sex. I was inside of her. Her smell of vanilla reminded me of you. Remember when we used to bake together with my mom. I couldn’t get out of my mind eating the cookie dough off your face.” Liz tries hard not to smile
“Oh shit Ed, you didn’t?” Ed continues.
“I had to convince Katie to visit me here because I was afraid to be alone with you, but that has all I have been thinking about doing since you emailed me. To be alone with you and kiss you, that is what I really want.” Liz hops off her chair and sits at Ed’s feet. Ed runs his hands through her hair. Liz tries to speak. Tears are beginning to run down her cheek.
“I want to stop running Ed. I want you to hold me and tell me it is safe to stop running. I have been running from you for twenty years and I am tired. I am so tired. Ed joins Liz on the floor and embraces her.
I think you two are ready to meet in the book. Lets see what happens.
Okay, Liz and Ed, what do you want? Please tell me want you want with each other. Ed speaks first.
“I don’t know what I want Eve. I am not sure of anything anymore. I would like to spend some time with Liz to get to know her again. But I don’t know beyond that. But if Katie shows up I don’t know what I’ll do.” Then Liz speaks.
“I want to have a chance to hang out with Ed. To go for a walk in the forest…to kiss would be nice. I don’t really know what I want either”.
Okay both of you sit down in a room together alone and let me ease drop.
“Okay I can do that,” says Ed.
“Me too”
“Hi Ed,” says Liz.
“Hi Liz,” Ed smiles back.
“How have you been Liz?”
“I have been okay,” Liz says trying to smile.
“Me too,” Ed says managing a grin.
You can sit down Liz. I am not going to bite you Liz, unless you ask me to. Liz has been standing in the corner of the room near the door.
“Please sit down Liz and talk with me.”
“Okay Ed. You go by Ed now right?” Liz moves closer.
“Yes my name is Ed, my friends and you can call me Ed.( a Blazing Saddler’s Reference).
Liz laughs and sits down across from Ed. Ed starts the conversation.
“I like it that you are here. Seeing you again makes me see things more clearly and at the same time more confused. I feel like I know you. But I really don’t know anything about you. Don’t get me wrong, I want to get to know you. In reality, I want to know you intimately. I hope that doesn’t scare you Liz, considering we haven’t seen each other in twenty years. I feel like a freak for obsession about you for twenty years. I wrote poetry to you.
“Okay, well Ed I must be a freakish girl along with you. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for twenty years either. I know there have been other men.”
“In your case Liz, there have been many other men.” Liz buries her face in her hands and then gathers courage and looks up at Ed.
“Yes I admit I like sex. I always have. There is nothing wrong with that. Maybe I have jumped around from bed to bed looking for a guy who would fill me with the kind of loving feelings that you brought out in me. No guy no human guy could measure up to you in my mind.”
Liz feels good about getting that off her chest. She begins to breathe easier. Now it is Ed’s turn again.
“You know Liz I have a woman who adores me. Katie would do anything for me and is planning to visit me here in Michigan. I called your name out during sex. I was inside of her. Her smell of vanilla reminded me of you. Remember when we used to bake together with my mom. I couldn’t get out of my mind eating the cookie dough off your face.” Liz tries hard not to smile
“Oh shit Ed, you didn’t?” Ed continues.
“I had to convince Katie to visit me here because I was afraid to be alone with you, but that has all I have been thinking about doing since you emailed me. To be alone with you and kiss you, that is what I really want.” Liz hops off her chair and sits at Ed’s feet. Ed runs his hands through her hair. Liz tries to speak. Tears are beginning to run down her cheek.
“I want to stop running Ed. I want you to hold me and tell me it is safe to stop running. I have been running from you for twenty years and I am tired. I am so tired. Ed joins Liz on the floor and embraces her.
I think you two are ready to meet in the book. Lets see what happens.
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